Only God Knows

With the curriculum that I use in kindergarten, each week we have a story to read about an animal character.  Every day, we read a section of the story.  One day this past week, we ended on a cliff hanger.  I asked the kids to predict what was going to happen next in the story.

When I called on Laniese to make a guess, she responded, "Mwen pa konnen.  Selman Bondye konnen!"  Which means, "I don't know.  Only God knows!"  I laughed, but I had to explain to Laniese that I know she doesn't know the answer...that's the point of making a guess!

Beggars

I'm often frustrated by some of the kids in my neighborhood who only seem to show up when they want something from me.  They seldom come looking for me just to talk.  Sometimes they act as if they just want to hang out, but the conversations always end in with, "I'm hungry, I need shoes, I need a backpack, I need a soccer ball, etc. etc."  While I often help the kids when they ask, it upsets me inside.  It hurts that they see me for what the material things I can offer rather than the relational things I can offer.  Instead of coming to me for love, friendship and relationship, they come to me when they need something.  They might forget about me when they don't need anything and things are going well, but as soon as they tummies are empty or they want something, they come knocking on my gate.

It occurred to me today, that this is how we so often treat God.  He has so much to offer us as a heavenly Father.  He simply wants us to be with Him, walk with Him, talk to Him, and spend time in His presence because we love Him.  But, instead of coming to Him as his beloved children, we come to Him as beggars.  When things are going well, we are quick to forget about God.  We get busy and don't spend time in the Word.  We neglect our prayer time.  Until, something goes wrong and things suddenly start going downhill for us.  We get scared.  We get worried.  We get desperate.  And so, we pray.  Instead of praying to our Father because we love Him, we pray as a beggar hoping for a hand out.

I only have a tiny glimpse of what it must feel like for Him as our Father.  Just as I want relationship from the children in my neighborhood, that is what God wants from us.  His heart breaks when we only come to Him asking for things.  He has so much more to offer us, but we don't seek Him with all of our hearts.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight.  In love He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will -- to the praise of His glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

-Ephesians 1:4-6

Pen Pals!

Like me, one of my college roommates is also a kindergarten teacher.  However, she is teaching in the United States.  She contacted me about a month ago and asked if my class could be pen pals with her class.  Excited about the idea, I agreed.

Just this week, we received our first letters from her kindergarteners.  They also sent photos of their class playing in the snow.  My students were VERY excited to see the pictures and read the letters.  I hung the pictures on the wall in the classroom.  Yesterday at the end of the day, I caught two of my little boys kissing the picture and saying, "Wow, that little girl is pretty!" Haaaaaa, they sure keep me laughing!

Kattiana and I helped each of my students to write a response and draw a picture along with their letter.  When they were finished, I read each of the letter's that they wrote out loud for the class.  The kids were SO proud of their hard work, and they are very excited for me to send the letters to the United States.

Absent Blogger

I feel as if I've been an absent blogger for the past couple weeks.  I'm sure you can all understand that life gets in the way.  Sometimes, even when I have the time to sit down and blog, I just simply don't know what to write.  It's not that I don't have things to say.  It's not that I don't have wonderful (and difficult) things going on in my life.  Mostly, it is that I don't know how to put my life or my experiences into words.

You see, everyday is full of laughter and accomplishments.  I am constantly surprised and amazed with my students' progress.  However, its too complicated to explain every little detail about each student.  It's too complicated to explain their struggles, their personality traits, and their learning ability.  So, for me to just tell you, "Oh, today Patrick was able to sit quietly and listen to the entire story today without getting distracted!  It was amazing!  I'm so excited!"  It would not mean much unless you are in my class everyday with me seeing how difficult it is for Patrick to stay focused.

For me to try and write to you about how I was moved to tears hearing the teenaged girls in our youth group worshiping God would not do it justice.  I am not an eloquent enough writer to put you in my shoes and have you see things through my eyes.  Everyday, I have millions of emotions on all ends of the spectrum.  Everyday, I have failures and accomplishments.  The problem is, you all aren't here with me to experience it first hand.  Sometimes I would rather not share the stories at all than to unsuccessfully try and explain them.  So, when I'm an absent blogger, its not that I have nothing worthwhile to say.  Most likely, I'm busy living life or I'm starring at my computer screen unable to put my life into words.

Zanmi'm yo

Many days, I am homesick, I miss my friends and family, and I feel like I'm not "accomplishing" much here in Haiti.  Then I pass a neighborhood friend walking in the street and see their face light up as we chit chat, and I am reminded that I have many loved ones here, too.

Tonight, I was walking home from the English class that I teach two nights a week.  I usually have a ride most of the way home, so I only have to walk a short distance to my house.  Along the way to my house, I always pass by a teenaged girl, Jenny, that I have become friends with; she is thirteen.  Her family lives along side the road in the most pitiful looking tent that I've ever seen because their house, like many others, was destroyed in the earthquake.  In the mornings, her mother sits along the side of the road selling bread, drinks, or bonbons.  In the evenings, Jenny and her younger brother take over selling their wares. 

If Jenny is out when I pass, I always stop to give her a hug and a kiss, and we usually talk for a little while.  Tonight, we ended up talking longer than normal.  She told me about her family, she told me about the time that someone snuck into their tent and robbed them, she told me about her fourteen year old brother that has been in prison since he was eleven, and she told me about her school.  Our conversation was interrupted a few times by people stopping to purchase a coke or a couronne.  Once, Jenny's brother left us to sprint down the road and retrieve the glass coke bottle after one of their customers was finished.  Jenny even offered me a komparet, which is a hard sweet tasting bread.  When I offered to pay her for it, she shook her hands at me and said, "No, no, take it!  Just eat it."  I've been trying to watch what I eat, but how could I possibly say no to this friend offering me some of her food?  Besides, it was really good.

Eventually, Jenny's mama came out of the tent (probably to see who Jenny was talking to this whole time).  When she saw me, she got a big smile and said, "Oh!  Jenny's friend!  I'm so happy to see you!  What are you doing out here by yourself?!"  Then, she promptly told Jenny to walk with me to my house to make sure that I got home safely.  As Jenny and I walked to my gate, I was beaming from ear to ear knowing they are my friends, knowing that they want to share what little they have with me, and knowing that they are concerned about my safety.

Tonight, I'm thankful that I can speak Creole.  I'm thankful that I can laugh and joke and small talk with my Haitian friends.  Tonight, I feel loved.