PRAY!

For those of you reading this, please PRAY PRAY PRAY without ceasing for Hurricane Isaac to take an unpredicted turn away from Haiti!  As I've written many times, most homes in Haiti are unstable shacks that cannot withstand this type of weather.  In addition, thousands of people (including many of my students and dear friends) are still living in tents because of the 2010 earthquake.  In the past, thunderstorms have been deadly for people in tents...I don't even want to imagine what damage a hurricane would do.

I talked to Nickson on the phone today and he said that it is clear and sunny today.  But, it looks like sometime tomorrow the storm should hit.  I am scheduled to fly into Haiti on Saturday afternoon.  I am praying I can get there.  I already tried to change my flight to get there earlier but no flights were available for today.  Please join me and pray.

I am...

I copied this from somone's Facebook status.  I don't know who originally wrote it, but I like it and wanted to share.

My calling is sure. My challenge is big. My vision is clear. My desire is strong. My influence is eternal. My impact is critical. My values are solid. My faith is tough. My mission is urgent. My purpose is unmistakable. My direction is forward. My heart is genuine. My strength is supernatural. My reward is promised. And my God is real. I refuse to be dismayed, disengaged, disgruntled, discouraged,

 or distracted. Neither will I look back, stand back, fall back, go back or sit back. I do not need applause, flattery, adulation, prestige, stature or veneration. I have no time for business as usual, mediocre standards, small thinking, normal expectations, average results, ordinary ideas, petty disputes or low vision. I will not give up, give in, bail out, lie down, turn over, quit or surrender. I am a missionary. That is who I am. 

To help give you a mental picture...

Here are some photos that I have accumulated from my multiple visits to Gonaives over the past two years.  Much has improved since my first visit there in October 2010.  Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of recent pictures to share at this point.  But, I figured that this will help to give you all a small glimpse of where I will be working (I'll do my best to post once I get there).

The school where I will be teaching (note, they have done a lot more construction since this picture was taken)

classrooms

The mud house that the boys live in

local market

moto joyride to the river

An Answer to Prayer and a New Adventure

I decided it was time to go public with this recent news:  I am returning to Haiti.  Many of my closest friends and family are in a little bit of shock right now, and rightfully so.  When I came back to the states in June, I told everyone that I was going to be in the US long term.  In my heart and mind, I was using "long term" very loosely because I really and truly did not know what my plan was or what God had in store.  But, it is hard to explain that to others when they ask me, "So, what are your plans?"

While I love TLC Barefoot School, the students, and the staff there, I made the decision to leave.  If you know me well, then you know this past year was the most difficult year of my life.  I lived alone for a year as the only American at TLC and I also survived a very traumatic and personal incident.  I made it through, but I knew in my heart that I could not return to that situation again. 

There were things going on with my family and friends at the time that I felt I needed to be in the states for.  And, if I'm being totally honest and raw, I should also confess that I was feeling bitter towards Haiti, towards some people, and towards God for the difficult year that I had faced.  Before leaving Haiti, I told God that I would not return unless He provided me with community and if possible, in a different area of Haiti.  Yes, I realize that "telling God" was quite demanding and probably not the best thing to do, but I was angry and I'm stubborn.

Although it was truly heartbreaking to leave my students, friends, and neighbors in Delmas 75, I felt at peace with the decision to leave TLC.  I was hoping that God would speak to me before I left Haiti and give me a specific direction to go, but that didn't happen.  So, I left with no real plan for the future.

I'm pretty sure God knew that my heart was not prepared to face the idea of returning to Haiti just yet.  For my first couple weeks home, I was in heaven.  I enjoyed every second with my friends and family, walking my dog, biking, jogging, driving on paved roads, taking hot showers, eating delicious foods, walking on soft grass, and everything else you can think of.  This might sound hard to believe, but I didn't really miss or think about Haiti at all for the first couple of weeks.  Like I said, I was having some bitter feelings towards Haiti and I was enjoying the luxuries of the U.S.

But, after those first few weeks things slowly started to change.  Haiti started to pop into my mind and I would find my thoughts drifting to it more often than I liked.  It hurt and it made me uncomfortable.  So, each time I caught myself thinking about Haiti, I pushed it from my mind.  I remained stubborn and I refused to believe that maybe God was trying to tell me something.

Then, one evening I was on the computer job searching and looking at apartment listings.  I noticed that I had a facebook message.  It was from a friend of mine in Gonaives and it was completely unexpected.  She wrote asking me if I was interested in teaching at her school.  My first instinct was to chuckle as I thought to myself, "Well, isn't that terrible timing?  Too bad I already made the decision to stay in the United States." 

I closed my laptop without responding to the message, but I continued to think about it all evening.  I decided to pray about it and talk to my parents.  After expressing my fear of what others would think if I up a left again so suddenly, my dad's advice was this: Kate, figure out the desire of your heart and then pursue it.  Don't worry about what others think, and make a choice based on YOUR desires.

It was great advice with only one small problem: I'm not exactly sure what the desires of my heart really are.  I prayed and thought...then prayed and thought...then prayed and thought until God revealed to me that He provided this opportunity as an answer to my prayers demands from earlier in the summer: a loving community away from Port-au-Prince.  Aren't I lucky that my Papa loves me enough to bless me despite my stubbornness?

After that realization, I continued to think about my Dad's question: What is the desire of your heart?

To be honest, I haven't figured that out yet.  I don't have a big, huge, crazy specific dream for my life.  Yes, I want to see people healed.  Yes, I want to see people come to know the love of God.  Yes, I want to help people learn their value and their worth.  Yes, I want to see people rise above poverty.  But, that can be done anywhere.

So for the time being, I am trying to figure out what exactly my desires and dreams are, but what I did realize is this: In Haiti, I am happy.  I am challenged.  I feel like my best qualities are exemplified when I am there.  And most of all, I realized that I just plain missed Haiti.

So, I took the leap and committed to joining MUCH Ministries in Gonaives, Haiti.  For the first time since I left Haiti, I am excited about what the future holds.  I am praising God for this opportunity and I am praying for what lies ahead.  I ask that you keep me in your prayers as I prepare for the bittersweet goodbyes and joyful reunion with my Haiti loved ones on August 25th.



 

Adjusting

It feels strange to be sitting here updating my blog from the United States instead of Haiti.  If anyone still checks this, I'm sorry that it has been so long since I have posted an update.  I think part of the reason is that I have been avoiding thinking about Haiti.

I have been back in the United States for just over a month now.  That time has flown by so fast!  I will be honest, for the first three weeks back here I was so overjoyed to be home that I did not really miss Haiti at all.  But, this week I've caught my thoughts drifting to Haiti, and more than once I've checked my "Haiti friends" facebook pages and blogs.  Each time I find myself doing those things, I feel overwhelmed by emotions.  While I am still very happy to be home, I am on the brink of tears each time I think of Haiti.  I believe that I am meant to be here in the U.S. at this time, but I miss my Haitian friends, speaking Creole, and most of all I miss my amazing students.  I think about my Haitian friends in my neighborhood begging me not to leave or I read an e-mail from Nickson saying that my students were asking for me, and it feels like my heart shatters into a million pieces.  That was my life for almost two years.  It is impossible not to feel this way.  It seems like it was a different lifetime or a different world compared to where I am right now.  How can two vastly different places even exist like this?

I don't want to have to feel this way.  I don't want to have to divide my heart between two places.  It's too painful.  So, for now...I try to push it from my mind.  I try not to think about it.  But, that is impossible because Haiti has become a part of me.

I read a quote by a friend tonight that seemed so appropriate.  "....And because I cannot forget, I cannot live peaceably."