Adjusting

It feels strange to be sitting here updating my blog from the United States instead of Haiti.  If anyone still checks this, I'm sorry that it has been so long since I have posted an update.  I think part of the reason is that I have been avoiding thinking about Haiti.

I have been back in the United States for just over a month now.  That time has flown by so fast!  I will be honest, for the first three weeks back here I was so overjoyed to be home that I did not really miss Haiti at all.  But, this week I've caught my thoughts drifting to Haiti, and more than once I've checked my "Haiti friends" facebook pages and blogs.  Each time I find myself doing those things, I feel overwhelmed by emotions.  While I am still very happy to be home, I am on the brink of tears each time I think of Haiti.  I believe that I am meant to be here in the U.S. at this time, but I miss my Haitian friends, speaking Creole, and most of all I miss my amazing students.  I think about my Haitian friends in my neighborhood begging me not to leave or I read an e-mail from Nickson saying that my students were asking for me, and it feels like my heart shatters into a million pieces.  That was my life for almost two years.  It is impossible not to feel this way.  It seems like it was a different lifetime or a different world compared to where I am right now.  How can two vastly different places even exist like this?

I don't want to have to feel this way.  I don't want to have to divide my heart between two places.  It's too painful.  So, for now...I try to push it from my mind.  I try not to think about it.  But, that is impossible because Haiti has become a part of me.

I read a quote by a friend tonight that seemed so appropriate.  "....And because I cannot forget, I cannot live peaceably."

The Lasts

For those of you that do not know, I am leaving Haiti on Saturday.  Because I'm not ready to think about it, I am not going to get into all the emotional thoughts that are in the back of my mind.  They will come...just not yet.

For the past week I've found myself taking mental pictures of everything.  And thinking to myself "this might be the last time I...."  I try to memorize how things feel, sound, and look.  I try to savor special moments with loved ones.  As I tried to fall asleep sleep last night, I reflected on the many ups and downs of this year, and I admit I cried as I remember this year and thought about leaving.

Tonight was my last English class at Union School.  As you know, I teach Haitian adults two nights a week.  They still have two more classes after I leave, but because it was my last class, they threw me a party.  They bought Dominoes pizza (yes, we actually have a Dominoes here!) and sodas.  One of my students is a prestigious judge in Haiti.  She stood up and gave a really special toast to me.  She talked about how much she learned and how much she likes me.  And, at the end she said, "I know you will be back to Haiti.  You have a home in the United States, but Haiti is your home, too.  You have many friends and children here who love you.  You have to come back."

That is precisely what makes this so hard.  No, not hard.  It feels more like impossible.  I have two homes.  Two families.  Two groups of friends.  No matter where I am, I feel like I'm abandoning someone or something.  While I love Haiti with all my heart, I also love and miss my family more than I can explain.

Saturday, I am boarding a plane back to home number one.  Thankfully, Mr. Nickson is accompanying me for this transition.  I don't know that I could do it without him.  I have no idea when I will return to Haiti.  I have not committed to teaching at TLC next year.  My plan is to stay in the United States indefinitely.  But, I have to be honest, I don't know if I am capable of that.  The thought of being away from my Haitian kids, friends, and home is too much to bear.  Words cannot even describe how difficult it is.  So, I guess what I should say is I don't really know what I am doing...I am leaving it up to God and praying that I have the strength to do what he requires of me.  I feel caught in the middle of my own life.  I'm afraid to leave and I'm afraid to stay.

8th Grade Graduation

Last Friday was the last official day of school for the 2011-2012 school year at TLC.  We had a special graduation ceremony for our four 8th grade graduates.

L-R: Junia, Fednel, Reginald, Manuela

The parents of the graduates and all the TLC students were invited to the ceremony.  Everyone came wearing their very best clothes.

Mr. Nickson was the MC for the event.

Pastor Bobby joined us for the celebration.

The students prepared songs, speeches, and dances.

The graduates asked the school staff to join them on "stage" for special recognition.  Our school staff come before 6 AM every day and work hard until 3:30.  I'm amazed that they work so hard for so little pay.  I wish that we could afford to do more for them.

Each of the 8th graders received a diploma.

Everyone joined together to pray for our graduates.

After the ceremony, the graduates, parents, students, and teachers enjoyed a meal of rice, beans, turkey, and cake.

Special table for the graduates and their parents

It was a wonderful day for everyone!

Mr. Nickson with his daughter and wife

Jacmel Trip!

Last Friday was Haitian Flag Day.  In other words, a vacation weekend for most people here in Haiti.  My friends invited me along with them to Jacmel for the weekend.  Jacmel is know as a "tourist" city and its located on the southwestern part of the island.  It was my first time there and it was great!  Since we are all "vehicle-less" we took three tap-taps to get to the "bus station".  From there, we paid to ride in a 15 passenger van with 20 adults crammed in as tightly as you can possibly imagine.  After living in Haiti for almost 2 years, "Comfort zone" and "personal space" are no longer phrases in my vocabulary.

 

 While in Jacmel, we were hosted by doctors from Slovania.  We slept in part of their medical clinic on hospital beds.

  The best part was that they drove us to and from the beaches all weekend in a......drum roll.......AMBULANCE! 

Several of us rented surf boards for a day, and I tried my hand at surfing.  It was TONS of fun, but I definitely need more practice. 

Walking around Jacmel was lots of fun.  It is much more beautiful than the "concrete jungle" of Port-au-Prince.  However, it was sad to see such beautiful buildings slowly falling apart from lack of upkeep.  I can only imagine how beautiful Jacmel looked 20 or 30 years ago.  

The beaches were beautiful, the food was delicious, and the company was great!

Last week of school

This week is the last week of school for our students at TLC Barefoot School.  I have been using this time to have fun with my students and enjoy my last little bit of time with my kindergarteners. 

We have done paper mache, painting, coloring, and lots of other crafts...

We made flags to celebrate flag day...

We have been playing at the playground...
 

We've been reading lots of stories...

And most of all, we've been having lots of fun!