Back!

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am safely back in Haiti. I left my house at 2:30 AM and my flight was late taking off so it has been a very long day. The airport here in Haiti was even more insane than normal. There were so many people that they were out of carts for your luggage. At the airport here, your luggage does not neatly spin around on a carousel. It goes around the tiny carousel once and then its thrown onto the ground in a massive heap making it impossible to move without literally climbing over other piles of luggage. I was alone trying to find my two 50 pound suitcases while carrying my guitar and a backpack. It was interesting. I finally got so sick of the chaos that I just climbed up on top of the carousel and then over all the bags to find my bags. Let me tell you, it was fun trying to carry 100 pounds of luggage and a guitar all by myself! But, I made it! (once I made it to the exit I had two men more than willing to take all my bags for me and I was more than willing to let them!)

Thankfully, Nickson and Samuel helped me bring all my bags into the apartment. It is so good to be back. Nickson's reaction basically sums up my feelings. When he saw me he gave me a big hug and said, "You are home."

Since I have no food in my house, I am heading over to Dorothy's for dinner. I just wanted to post this quick update to let all of you know that I made it!

Week in Gonaives

You may remember me mentioning that before I came back to the US, my friends basically kidnapped me and drove me three hours away to a city in the northern part of Haiti called Gonaives.  They wanted to get me away from Port so that I could breathe some fresh air and put some distance between me and what happened.  While the circumstances for the trip were not good, I did manage to enjoy myself a little....it was hard not to.

I got to see God's beautiful creation...

this photo isn't altered at all...it was really this beautiful!

...and go shopping in a busy Haitian market....

and ate coconut fresco (shaved ice)...

and rode all over Gonaives on the back of a moto driven by my dad...

and ate delicious pate, fried plantains, and pikliz from a street vendor...

and went swimming in a nice cold river...

and I got to spend a little quality time with my twins, Frances and Francesca (the baby girls that used to live with me at Dorothy's)!

The week ended by riding for three hours in the bed of Papa Beaver's truck back to Port-au-Prince.

I am so thankful for the week in Gonaives and the time spent with friends.  It was much needed and a gift from God.

In their shoes...

I've realized that no matter how hard I try to put myself in a Haitian's shoes, no matter how hard I try to detach myself from the "rich white American" label that Haitians automatically put on me, and no matter how hard I try to understand what it is like to live in extreme poverty, I never truly will.


You see, even if I were alone, down to my last penny (or gourde), out of food, and homeless, I would still be better off than your average Haitian.  Why?  Because it would only take a couple phone calls to my friends/family/church in the United States and I would be taken care of.   Because, even if I personally have nothing, I have "wealthy" people in my life that could and would help me.  I am not saying that I just expect others to take care of me, but I know that if I were in trouble or in need, someone would be there to help.  That is not the case for most Haitians.


I hate to continue to bring up what happened to me, but that is what sparked these thoughts.  So, for example if a Haitian woman was assaulted like I was, who would be there for her?  Rape, abuse, and assault are common for most Haitian women.  It is almost the cultural norm in Haiti.  When they are hurt by a man, who sweeps in and takes care of them?  They may have family and friends that support them emotionally, but they would never be able to just pack up and fly to the United States like I did.  They are stuck….stuck in their tiny shacks called home, stuck without enough money to provide for themselves or their family, stuck without good medical care, and stuck in abusive situations.  They accept that they are valueless because that is how they are treated.  They remain in abusive situations because they have no where else to go.  They accept that life will never get better for them because they can see no hope in the future.  


I cannot understand what that is like.  Even if I tried, I could not put myself in their shoes.  As hard as I try to understand Haitian life and be "on their level", I will always be looked up to because of my skin color and nationality.  If I can't figure out how to break that barrier between us by lowering myself to their level, what can I do?  It looks like my only option is to go deeper, stretch beyond wealth, and show them that my true joy and "wealth" comes from the Lord.  I cannot promise them a life where they are never hungry, never homeless, never sick, and never poor, but I can give them hope for eternal life.

M'ap retounen! (I'm returning)

Yes, you read that correctly.  I am returning to Haiti!  On Tuesday, I will be moving back to Haiti.  Shocked?  I figured you might be, so let me explain....

Despite everything that happened to me, I never once doubted that I was supposed to be in Haiti.  Before I even left the country two weeks ago, I knew in my heart and mind that I would be back.  So, it was very difficult for me to come back to the US without knowing when I would return to Haiti.  I didn't really have any type of game plan, and it was unsettling.  I was also very sad to say goodbye to the people and country that I love so much.  But, my close friend reminded me that when I left Faith Hope Love Infant Rescue in March, it was only one week later that God provided the opportunity to teach at TLC.  She said, "if you still feel called to Haiti, why do you think this will be any different?  God will take care of it.  Don't worry."

Well, my friend was right.  After coming home two weeks ago, I took time to talk with my parents, family, close friends, and pastor.  I decided that I would return to Haiti after Thanksgiving.  To me, it just seemed like a logical time to go back.  So, I e-mailed the TLC board and anxiously awaited their response.  A few days later I heard back from them.  They explained that they were thrilled that I wanted to go back, however, Thanksgiving would just not work.  Since I left Haiti, Mr. Nickson has been teaching my class for me.  Recently, the Social Studies teacher quit, leaving Nickson with way too much to handle on his own.  For his sake as well as the students, the board told him that unless I could return immediately, he would need to hire someone to replace me.  Wow, I was a little overwhelmed at the thought of going back several weeks earlier than anticipated.  I knew in my heart that I was supposed to go back, but I was a little hesitant at first because it all seemed so sudden.  Until....

I clicked back to my e-mail inbox after reading the e-mail from the board.  Just then, another e-mail came into my inbox from another friend in Haiti.  She said, "I just feel compelled to write to you.  I don't like giving my own advice, but I have been thinking about you.  You are doing so well, you believe you are healed, you love Haiti and still want to be here...So, why not go back to TLC?"  The timing of that e-mail could not have been more perfect and I knew it was confirmation that I was meant to go back now.  I immediately shared the e-mails with my dad, and he agreed that it was God's timing.

Within a few hours of receiving the e-mail, the decision was made, my flight was booked, and I started packing.  I've been laughing to myself as I prepare to go back because I know how crazy I must seem to most people.  Especially since the day that I fly back will be exactly one month from the day that I was assaulted.  I know that a lot of people here in the US think I should be getting counseling, that I have not really faced what happened to me, or that it hasn't really hit me yet.  But, those people that know me best can see that I am healed.  I admit, I've wondered a few times, "How could I possibly have healed from this all so quickly?"  Here is what I've come to realize: I believe in an all powerful God.  I believe He still heals miraculously and supernaturally today.  So, if I believe all that, why should I second guess my own healing?  This is difficult for others to accept, but I've come to terms with the fact that I am not making decisions based on whether or not it will please others.  I know that I am doing what God has told me to do so I have no regrets.

I am anxious to get back to my neighborhood, my students, my neighborhood boys, my friends, the kids at Dorothy's, and the warm weather.  I know that I will face difficulties when I go back.  Part of me just wants to "hide out" with children when I get back because I know they won't be judging my decisions, giving me sympathetic glances, wondering what I'm thinking, or suggesting that I get counseling.  Yes, I might face emotions and thoughts that I did not anticipate, but God has been carrying me this whole time and I know He is not going to stop now.  God has healed me for a reason.  This is right.  I am meant to be in Haiti.



***Note: I just want to thank my parents for being so great throughout all of this.  I realize that not many parents would let their daughter out of their sight after going through something like I did, let alone go back to the same third world country again.  I'm so thankful that we are on the same page and that we are serving and trusting the same God.  It makes things so much easier for me knowing that I have their support in all of this.

Where the Heart Is

Clearly, God has been speaking to me recently about the idea of "home".  If you read yesterday's post, then you know what I am talking about.  If not, please take time to read it.

I get daily devotionals sent to my e-mail.  NOT coincidentally, the devotion for today was about this exact same idea of "home".  The devotion is titled Where the Heart Is, and I just wanted to share it with you since it relates 110% to what I felt God calling me to write about yesterday.

Where the Heart Is by Susan Meissner:

“He has planted eternity in the human heart …” Ecclesiastes 3:11b (NLT)

A while back, my young adult son took a trip to visit friends in the state where we used to live. He stopped by the house that had been ours for all of his childhood. And, he felt compelled to knock on the front door and introduce himself to the strangers who now own it.

When he said he had grown up in that house, the wife didn’t hesitate to open the door wide and invite him in. She knew that in our hearts we often feel toward our houses what we might feel for a trusted ally, a kind friend or maybe even a silent witness to our pain.

My latest character Marielle Bishop understands this. In my new novel A Sound Among the Trees, new bride Marielle takes up residence in an old house with a storied past. She just isn’t sure that this place can be a safe haven for her heart.

We are wired to feel a tug toward that one special place we feel safe, wanted and cared for. Our hearts are restless when we’re far from home, or our home is taken from us, or when discord disrupts the tranquility of that place.

So what’s a girl to do when she doesn’t feel at home? We need to remember that Christ is at home in her. So in a sense, we take our eternal home with us wherever we go. Wherever we are, we can feel safe, wanted and cared for by Christ who dwells inside every believer.

When the Israelites were waiting for God to lead them to their new home in the Promised Land, He had them build a tabernacle for His presence to dwell right there where they were, wherever that was on their journey.

We don’t use the word “tabernacle” much these days but if you were to look at its Hebrew roots you would see that it comes from the same word as “dwell” and “abide” and “settle down.” When God brings His presence right to where we are, He is “tabernacling” with us.

The Lord God Almighty settles down inside us. His Spirit lives in us. Our heart becomes His Holy tabernacle and He is at home in us. Isn’t that a thrilling, mind-bending concept?

The Bible tells us God has “set eternity in our hearts” which means He has made us hungry for His heavenly embrace. The affection we have for our earthly houses stems from this smoldering ember of our longing for Him as our eternal home.

There’s no place like home. It’s why we like everyone to be home for the holidays and home before dark and why we just want to go home when we’re having a bad day. Home is where our hearts are at rest. And our hearts can always be at rest in Him.

Whether your earthly home is as near as your next breath or too far away to be seen today, know that God has promised to tabernacle with you! He dwells with you. You are His earthly address. And in Him, you are home.

 Ezekiel 37:26-27, “I will make a covenant of peace with them; it will be an everlasting covenant. I will establish them and increase their numbers, and I will put my sanctuary among them forever. My dwelling place will be with them; I will be their God, and they will be my people."

I Corinthians 3:16, “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?

© 2011 by Susan Meissner. All rights reserved.