I will spare you the details and explanation as to why I've been bouncing back and forth between Haiti and the US, but I will give you the overview of the last year:
September 2010 to December 2010: Living in Haiti at Faith Hope Love Infant Rescue
December 2010 to January 2011: Living in the US with my family
January 2011 to March 2011: Living in Haiti at FHLIR again
March 2011 to July 2011: Living in the US with my family
August 2011 to October 2011: Living in my own apartment in Haiti while teaching kindergarten
mid October 2011 to present: Living in the US with my family
As you can see, I've been doing lots of packing, traveling, and unpacking. Aside from the physical labor it takes to move back and forth so many times, it also takes a toll emotionally. When I lived at Faith Hope Love Infant Rescue, in my mind I thought that I would be there for much longer than 6 months in total. However, I eventually felt God telling me that it was not the place for me. At the time, I thought maybe God was closing the door to Haiti, but He called me back again. This time to teach kindergarten at TLC Barefoot School. When I moved back to Haiti in August, I fully planned to be there for at least ten months. I finally felt like I was really committing to Haiti as my "home". But as I too often forget, life doesn't always conform to fit the plans that we make. So, I find myself back in the United States yet again, trying to decide where I belong.
Some of my closest friends jokingly started calling me a "gypsy" because I'm never in one place for very long. (Although, I'm not sure moving back and forth between the same two places really qualifies me as a gypsy). I've had people ask me when I'm going to "settle down". I've also had people tell me "you'll never be able to meet someone and get married if you don't stay in one place!" I would just like to say for the record: I do not enjoy constantly packing and unpacking my life and moving back and forth. I would gladly "settle down" in one place (preferably Haiti), and if the right person comes along, I would gladly get married. But, that is just not how life has worked out for me thus far, and I am trying to just deal with it despite how frustrating it may be for me. I am simply trying to follow what GOD is calling me to rather than trying to set up my own circumstances for earthly success.
I know I am not the first person that has traveled, and I'm sure many people live a lifestyle of constant/excessive travel. But, that has not been my goal. Each time I move to Haiti, I have tried to make it my home. Each time I have come to the United States, I have viewed it as a transition time in which I don't want to get too established or too comfortable. Why is it that something always seems to keep me from settling in Haiti?? In my heart, I truly believe that God wants me there. So based on that thought, it is only logical that either 1) I have not found my niche there yet or 2) Satan is trying to keep me from being in Haiti.
Before moving into my apartment and teaching for TLC, I felt "homeless". I hadn't found a place in Haiti where I felt like I truly belonged, and I knew that the US was no longer the place for me. I took the job at TLC with the intention of being there for a long commitment. Then, the circumstances basically ripped me from my newly established "home" and plopped me back here...again...at my parents house trying to figure out where I belong. While it is wonderful being at my parents home and spending time with them, it no longer feels like home to me. I feel more like a guest. (That could also be partially due to the fact that my dad constantly refers to me as his "tenant" and himself as my "landlord").
I don't really know why I feel the need to label a specific place as "home". Maybe that is just basic human nature. I've had many frustrated prayer times with God about this issue. "Where is my home?! Where do I belong?! I feel completely torn between two vastly different countries. I cannot build normal relationships/friendships or routines because I am never in one place for more than a few months. I am constantly missing one country or the other. I am constantly missing one group of friends or the other. WHERE IS MY HOME, GOD????"
This is what I felt like the Lord told me:
Katie, abide in me. Make me your home. Stop worrying about where you are physically on the Earth and focus on where/who your are Spiritually. Give me your worries, your doubts, and all your attention. Get to know me better. Abide in me, and then it won't matter where I send you to do my work. Abide in me, and it won't matter what life throws at you. Abide in me, and then even if you are living on the streets you won't be homeless. If you abide me then you are always home.
If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
John 15:7
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