Teaching is hard. Teaching in Haiti is harder. Teaching in Jubilee often times seems impossible.
Out of necessity, you get thick skin. Things that would bring many American's to tears don't faze you anymore. As you go throughout your day, you tend not to notice just how many difficult things you deal with. Then, as you are cleaning up your classroom at the end of the day, you suddenly start to cry for no apparent reason. You almost laugh as you are crying because you don't understand where the tears are coming from. You think to yourself, "What is wrong with me?! Why am I crying!?"
You reflect on the day....Hm, nothing too out of the ordinary. There was the usual degree of being ogled by men. You've been cussed at by strangers. Your students neglected to do the simple things you've taught them a hundred times (i.e. pushing in their chairs, walking quietly in line, and sitting up straight). People spoke negatively about the work you are doing in the garden.
Then you remember a couple other things...
A pre-k student and her mama came to get a clinic pass because they were beat up by the father last night. The mother of two of your students explained that her husband only comes around when its her pay day to beat her up and take her money. Last night he threatened to burn the house down, broke a glass bottle over her head, took her money, and left her with no means to provide food for her four children. You found her son crying on the ground during recess because he hadn't eaten in two days and had hunger pains.
Normal people don't cry without reason, but as far as you know, it also isn't commonplace for most people to face these types of situations on a daily basis. So much of life seems to be out of your control. You're faced with things that make you feel helpless. You realize that once again, you've bottled up your emotions day after day until you reached a breaking point.
So, you do the only thing you can. You stop fighting it. You stop being strong. You let the burden on your shoulders push you down until your knees hit the ground. Then, you lift your eyes to Heaven and turn to the one that wipes away the tears. You ask for strength. You ask for comfort. You ask for wisdom. You praise Him through the tears. You hope for the future, and you ask for impossible things to be made possible.
Then, you take a deep breath. You put a smile on your face, you hug the nearest small child (not because they need it but because you need it), and you keep going.
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