I've got a {spring} in my step

And Spring arose on the garden fair,
Like the Spirit of Love felt everywhere;
And each flower and herb on Earth's dark breast
rose from the dreams of its wintry rest.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Today, I decided to take advantage of the nice weather and mess around with my little point and shoot camera in the backyard.  I had no clue what I was doing, but I had fun regardless.  

Wengers...You never know what you are going to find!

Earlier this week, I read a blog post on "Given to Love" about Wenger's, our local discount grocery store.  In my family, Wenger's often receives quite a few jokes.  When looking in the pantry for a bite to eat, you can't mistake the florescent orange price stickers, dented cans, or slightly crumpled cereal boxes.  However as much as we joke about it, we love Wenger's and you certainly can't beat their prices.

Wenger's is owned and run by Mennonites.  I always get a kick out of the folksie hymns that play over the speakers, but I usually catch myself humming along at least once.  Shopping at Wenger's is unlike any other store.  You really have to search and examine your groceries (check for dents, holes, leaks, expiration dates, etc.).  My mom, a proud Wenger's shopper/supporter, often jokes that Wenger's is full of surprises.

"Why are you writing about a Mennonite discount grocery store?" you may be wondering.  Well, like I said in the title, you never know what you are going to find.  While meandering down the pasta isle, I overheard someone behind me say, "Sa bon." That is Haitian Creole for "That's good."  I quickly spun around and saw a couple examining a slightly dented box of pasta.  I enthusiastically said, "Ou pale Kreyol?!  (You speak Creole?)"  After I began speaking Creole to the couple, I took a slight notice to the other white customers stealing awkward glances in my direction.  I'm assuming they were most likely thinking "who is that crazy person?"  I didn't care though, I was too excited.  I'm sure to you readers, this scenario does not seem like such a big deal.  However, you must understand that I have been missing Haiti terribly.  But today, for 1 minute in the pasta isle of a discount grocery store, I was back in Haiti again.

I think my creepy-ness enthusiasm caught the Haitian couple off guard a little bit.  While I happily pranced off to the next isle, I think they may have been talking about how strange that white girl was.  After we parted ways, I started kicking myself for not talking to them a little bit longer.  I didn't exchange names or even invite them to church!  It was all I could think about the rest of the time I was shopping.  I even tried to strategically shop my way towards them so that I had an excuse to talk to them again.  Unfortunately, I did not get another opportunity.  While standing in the check out line, I took some paper from my purse and quickly wrote down my name, number, and some info about our church (Higher Hope).  After handing my wallet to my sister, I went back to find the couple.

I ended up finding them and inviting them to Higher Hope.  It turns out that they had been invited before by Pastor Mark's mother, but they work on Sunday's and cannot make it.  The woman told me that she plans to go when she has vacation.  They seemed touched that I invited them (even if they were a little weirded out by my over-enthusiasm).

I never imagined that situation would happen here in my tiny, rural, non-diverse town.  You just never know what is in store at Wengers (get it? har har)!

Jesus paid it all

My so called "bad day"

I will admit that today felt like an awful day.  There was no real reason that it was awful, but it just felt like "one of those days."  Maybe all this rain is giving me cabin fever, maybe it is because I am unsure of my next move in life, maybe it is because I don't want to be in the U.S. but I'm not ready to go back to Haiti,  or maybe it is because I miss my kids.  Throw in the fact that my puppy was driving me nuts all day (he obviously was having cabin fever, too), and you have one miserable girl.

I spent the day working on my resume, planning for a church mission trip to Haiti, and spring cleaning.  All the while, I was chasing the dog around and trying to keep him out of trouble (a big task in itself).  Jake managed to unravel an entire ball of hemp string and drag it from my bedroom to the downstairs living room, chew up a pencil, eat a lollipop, jump over our baby gates into the living room (multiple times), eat the cat's food (multiple times), knock over the kitchen trash, knock over the bathroom trash, eat the bathroom trash, chew up tissue paper, chew on my favorite pair of high heels, chew apart a stuffed animal and scatter the contents around the house, and tear apart some mail.  When I was completely fed up, I locked him up in his crate so I could try to actually accomplish a few things.  Then, I had to listen to him whine and howl for the next hour until I couldn't take it any longer.

I realize that my day really does not sound bad, but like I said, to me it just felt like "one of those days."  By dinner time, I had a headache and decided to retreat to my bed.  After an entire day of mischief, Jake had finally exhausted himself and curled up under the covers with me.

I laid awake looking out my window and listening to the rain thinking about how safe and dry our house is.  Suddenly, I imagined all of the Haitian tent cities.  Thousands of tarp tents littering the entire city of Port-au-Prince and its outskirts, thousands of people living in conditions that most Americans cannot even fathom.  Our lawn mowers, vehicles, and garden tools have better shelter than most Haitian men, women, and children.  As I lay comfortable and dry in my bed, I thought about what it is like for Haitians when the rainstorms come.  Most of their homes have dirt floors that quickly turn to mud.  Their few personal belongings are drenched if not ruined, while here in the U.S, we get angry when our basement gets damp or our attic leaks.  We wouldn't want for anything to happen to all our extra junk that is hoarded away for safe keeping.  In America, we get frustrated when it rains because that means our children's sporting events are cancelled or we can't go for our afternoon jog.  In Haiti when it rains, children are often killed in mudslides, floods, or by debris that is blown around.  In the summer, we crank up the air conditioning and sip on iced tea while watching our big screen TV's.  Most Haitians are lucky to have clean/safe drinking water.  Their tarp tents provide little relief from the beating sun and hot tropical temperatures.  They most likely don't have proper bathrooms let alone electricity.

As God brought my beautifully broken country back to mind, I suddenly felt humbled.  After everything that I have seen and experienced in Haiti, how could I have actually thought that I had an "awful day"?  Lord, help me during my time in the United States.  Help me to remember my friends and neighbors in Haiti and other desperately broken countries. 

Torn

What do you do when you feel like your heart is torn between two families and two countries?  It has been nearly three weeks since I returned to the United States.  I feel that at this point in time, I am where I should be.  However, that does not help the fact that I miss my Haitian children more than I can explain.

When I am in Haiti, I miss my friends and family in America.  When I am in America, I miss my children in Haiti.  I wonder what the kids are doing: are they doing well in school?  Are they behaving?  Are they getting the attention that I used to give them?  Are they getting to play games and do crafts?  Do they get to have water fights?  Is anyone reading them stories?  Are they being told each day that they are loved?  Do they still get goodnight kisses and hugs each night?  Are they being read their Bible stories?  Do they know that I am still thinking about them, praying for them, and loving them even though I am 1,500 miles away in another country?

What do you do when you feel as if you have sons and daughters, but they are not really yours?  What do you do when you know you are missing their birthdays, their loose teeth, their first steps, their daily accomplishments....their life?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord....But, what do you do when you are torn?