An Answer to Prayer and a New Adventure

I decided it was time to go public with this recent news:  I am returning to Haiti.  Many of my closest friends and family are in a little bit of shock right now, and rightfully so.  When I came back to the states in June, I told everyone that I was going to be in the US long term.  In my heart and mind, I was using "long term" very loosely because I really and truly did not know what my plan was or what God had in store.  But, it is hard to explain that to others when they ask me, "So, what are your plans?"

While I love TLC Barefoot School, the students, and the staff there, I made the decision to leave.  If you know me well, then you know this past year was the most difficult year of my life.  I lived alone for a year as the only American at TLC and I also survived a very traumatic and personal incident.  I made it through, but I knew in my heart that I could not return to that situation again. 

There were things going on with my family and friends at the time that I felt I needed to be in the states for.  And, if I'm being totally honest and raw, I should also confess that I was feeling bitter towards Haiti, towards some people, and towards God for the difficult year that I had faced.  Before leaving Haiti, I told God that I would not return unless He provided me with community and if possible, in a different area of Haiti.  Yes, I realize that "telling God" was quite demanding and probably not the best thing to do, but I was angry and I'm stubborn.

Although it was truly heartbreaking to leave my students, friends, and neighbors in Delmas 75, I felt at peace with the decision to leave TLC.  I was hoping that God would speak to me before I left Haiti and give me a specific direction to go, but that didn't happen.  So, I left with no real plan for the future.

I'm pretty sure God knew that my heart was not prepared to face the idea of returning to Haiti just yet.  For my first couple weeks home, I was in heaven.  I enjoyed every second with my friends and family, walking my dog, biking, jogging, driving on paved roads, taking hot showers, eating delicious foods, walking on soft grass, and everything else you can think of.  This might sound hard to believe, but I didn't really miss or think about Haiti at all for the first couple of weeks.  Like I said, I was having some bitter feelings towards Haiti and I was enjoying the luxuries of the U.S.

But, after those first few weeks things slowly started to change.  Haiti started to pop into my mind and I would find my thoughts drifting to it more often than I liked.  It hurt and it made me uncomfortable.  So, each time I caught myself thinking about Haiti, I pushed it from my mind.  I remained stubborn and I refused to believe that maybe God was trying to tell me something.

Then, one evening I was on the computer job searching and looking at apartment listings.  I noticed that I had a facebook message.  It was from a friend of mine in Gonaives and it was completely unexpected.  She wrote asking me if I was interested in teaching at her school.  My first instinct was to chuckle as I thought to myself, "Well, isn't that terrible timing?  Too bad I already made the decision to stay in the United States." 

I closed my laptop without responding to the message, but I continued to think about it all evening.  I decided to pray about it and talk to my parents.  After expressing my fear of what others would think if I up a left again so suddenly, my dad's advice was this: Kate, figure out the desire of your heart and then pursue it.  Don't worry about what others think, and make a choice based on YOUR desires.

It was great advice with only one small problem: I'm not exactly sure what the desires of my heart really are.  I prayed and thought...then prayed and thought...then prayed and thought until God revealed to me that He provided this opportunity as an answer to my prayers demands from earlier in the summer: a loving community away from Port-au-Prince.  Aren't I lucky that my Papa loves me enough to bless me despite my stubbornness?

After that realization, I continued to think about my Dad's question: What is the desire of your heart?

To be honest, I haven't figured that out yet.  I don't have a big, huge, crazy specific dream for my life.  Yes, I want to see people healed.  Yes, I want to see people come to know the love of God.  Yes, I want to help people learn their value and their worth.  Yes, I want to see people rise above poverty.  But, that can be done anywhere.

So for the time being, I am trying to figure out what exactly my desires and dreams are, but what I did realize is this: In Haiti, I am happy.  I am challenged.  I feel like my best qualities are exemplified when I am there.  And most of all, I realized that I just plain missed Haiti.

So, I took the leap and committed to joining MUCH Ministries in Gonaives, Haiti.  For the first time since I left Haiti, I am excited about what the future holds.  I am praising God for this opportunity and I am praying for what lies ahead.  I ask that you keep me in your prayers as I prepare for the bittersweet goodbyes and joyful reunion with my Haiti loved ones on August 25th.