I know that many of you were wondering what my plans were when I came home from Haiti at the end of March. I also know that many of you were surprised to find out that I was not going back to Faith Hope Love Infant Rescue. To be completely honest, I didn't want to write about it at the time because I didn't know how to explain the situation to people who have never been to Haiti or been there with me to know what it was like. I don't mean that in a bad way, just simply that it would be hard for you to understand my decisions or what I was going through. Also, I did not know what my future plans were. I was back in the states to try and figure that out, and I didn't want to write about it until I did just that.
During my last few weeks in Haiti, God spoke to my heart. I realized that I was not meant to be at FHLIR at that point in time. I have no doubt that God wanted me there for a time, and for a very specific reason, but sadly that time had ended. I did not want to have to leave my kids, or let Dorothy down, but I knew that I could not stay. It was a very emotion goodbye: not knowing if or when I would return. So, I packed up all my belongings (including my puppy) and I came home to my parents house.
After I got home so many people were asking about my plans and whether or not I would go back. If I am going to be completely truthful with you, I need to tell you that when I got home, I really did not want to go back to Haiti and I was unsure if I ever would. I was tired...tired of being sick, tired of being away from my family, tired of being away from my friends, tired of being away from my church, and just plain tired from the difficult lifestyle and hardships of Haiti. It was easier for me to think about staying here in the United States, but when did God ever tell us that life would be easy?
About a week after coming home, I got an e-mail from Dottie, a friend in Haiti. She runs a guesthouse and a school in my neighborhood of Delmas 75. She wrote to tell me that her kindergarten and pre-k teacher, a Haitian man, quit his job out of the blue and just simply did not show up for work. There were still two more months until the end of the school year and she was in desperate need of a new teacher. She asked if I would go back to Haiti to teach for her. I could sense how badly she wanted the help, and I was intrigued by the idea of teaching in a school in Haiti. But, I was still exhausted, and I was maybe even a little bit bitter towards Haiti (for reasons that I truly can't even put my finger on). I was not ready to go back. I knew that if I went then, my heart would not be in it. So, I asked Dottie if I could take time to pray about starting in the fall. Thankfully, she agreed.
A month here in the states did the trick, and I felt rested and rejuvenated again. Along with that, I began thinking and praying about Haiti with a longing to go back. I once again felt discontent here, and knew that I had to go back to Haiti. One day, I got a facebook message from another friend in Haiti, LauraLynn. She is a nurse and the principle of a school in the slums of the northern city of Gonaives. She wrote to remind me that they are in need of teachers for the fall. Would I be interested in teaching kindergarten for them?
Great. I am finally ready to go back to Haiti and now I am faced with a choice. I hate having to make big decisions, and in my eyes this was a big decision. The two schools were vastly different and each had various pros and cons. One school is in walking distance of Dorothy's house and other is a long three hour drive over Haitian roads. Each day, I found myself leaning towards going to a different school.
A couple weeks ago, I got some emails from Dorothy saying that Rosa was not doing well. If you remember from previous posts, Rosa was the child that I most connected with during my time at Dorothy's. I guess several days in a row she had breakdowns before school. She was crying, not eating, not speaking much, and complaining of a stomach ache. She missed several days of school. In hopes that I could cheer her up, I recorded a short video of myself speaking to her in Creole telling her that I love her, miss her, and I am praying for her each day. Dorothy showed her the video before school and after watching it, she had another breakdown. It was just too much for her. Hearing that she was having such a hard time and knowing that I was powerless to help her hit me like a rock. I felt as if I had abandoned the kids.
That day I decided to take the dog for a walk. I had a lot on my mind and I needed to get out of the house. I had tears in my eyes as I walked and thought about the kids at Dorothy's, and my two options for teaching. I had no idea which of the two schools God wanted me to go to, and I felt like I needed to make a decision soon.
I ended up walking by a friend's house and on a whim stopped to see if she was home. Thankfully she was, and she invited me in to talk. Mostly, she let me talk and cry while she listened. It was just what I needed. She did not try to impose her opinions or tell me what I should do. She simply listened and repeated back to me what I was telling her. It might sound silly, but it worked. I know that God had a hand in that appointment. I left feeling calm and feeling as if I knew the choice that I should make.
I decided....drum roll please....that I am going to teach at TLC Barefoot School in Port-au-Prince! As much as I wanted a "new adventure" and could picture myself teaching in the slums of Jubilee with my friends, I knew that right now my heart is in Port-au-Prince. Now that the actual decision is made, I feel very confident and excited about my choice. I cannot wait to get there! I should say that it is not exactly "official" yet. I still need to sign several contracts and familiarize myself with the curriculum that they use before I make my final decision.
If all goes as planned, I will be teaching kindergarten and/or pre-k. I will be living next-door to the school in a small apartment by myself. As I think about the situation, it is almost as if God knew exactly what I wanted and needed and he has provided the perfect opportunity! Isn't He great?!
As things progress, I will be sure to post updates! The video below features Dottie and Nickson talking about TLC.
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