Walls

Brick by brick we build walls - walls meant to protect us, shelter us from hurt.  Each brick has a name: disappointment, manipulation, sadness, fear, abuse, heartbreak, lies, neglect, depression, injustice, deceit, the list goes on.

We painstakingly cement these bricks in place as we build a fortress around ourselves.  In our minds, we tell ourselves that we are being smart - that we aren't going to make the same mistakes again.  We think, if we could just add that one specific brick to our wall, we will be safe from that hurt in the future.  But there is a problem with walls.  You see, they don't just keep out the bad.  They keep out the good things in life, too.  What was created to protect us now becomes our prison.

Deep down, we want the good that we can see just over the wall.  We consider it.  We pick up our sledgehammer and we start to swing.  But, the cost of taking down that wall is too high.  Instead, we try to just yell through the wall.  We think, "I can stay here safe inside and still experience some of that goodness that I see."  We climb ladders and yell over our walls to our loved ones on the other side.  They ask us to join them but our list of excuses is just too long.  Some loved ones give up on us. Frustrated by the barrier, they walk away.  Others care too much to do that.  Day after day, they come back to meet us at our wall.

Life seems pretty good for us.  We become comfortable with this safe routine.  Until one day, we we hear a noise.  It's our loved ones tapping away with a hammer attempting to break through our fortress.  They want more of us than we are willing to give!  We panic.  We aren't prepared for this!  We run, arms full of more bricks and we make that wall thicker and taller.  Breathless - heart racing - we work until our wall is so high and so thick that we can no longer see those who love us.  We shut them out completely.

Slowly, we start to forget them and what their love and friendship meant to us.  To us, they aren't even real anymore.  Just shadows - distant memories.  We are so trapped by our bricks of pain, grief, disappointment, and insecurity that we don't see how our actions hurt those around us.  Because we've shut everyone else out, all we can see is ourselves.

Still, we can hear them faintly on the other side of our wall tapping with their hammers - chipping away slowly and persistently.  We know that we won't allow them in, we don't want them to break through.  We won't give them that chance.  But yet, we don't want them to stop.  The sound of their hammers is comforting.  It means that we aren't really alone, not yet.

But, our friends can only take so much, for they are after all only human.  Realizing their efforts are futile, their chipping away stops.  They put down their hammers, brush the dust from their sandals, and they go with sadness and loss in their hearts.  Some may even take one or two of our bricks with them in order to start their own wall.  As the dust settles, we are finally alone.

Lord, 

you are the friend and the Father who never tires of chipping away at our walls.  Day and night you work to fix what is broken in us.  Work in the hearts of those we love, those with impenetrable fortresses.  Speak to the people who hurt us by shutting us out, that they may know they are not alone.  Help them realize how much we love them.  Crash through their walls with your perfect love that casts out fear.  Replace their pain and hurt with unspeakable joy.  May your light shine through the cracks in their walls and chase away the dark shadows in their hearts.  Help them to break down their own walls in order to be closer to your holy light.