Anticipation, excitement, emotions, and faith

I bought my flight ticket to Haiti this week, and the countdown continues.  51 days until I am Haiti bound!  I have to confess that after I bought my tickets, I cried.  I am not completely sure why I cried, but it happened.  I think part of the reason was because it is that "time of the month" (yeah, I really just shared that on my blog) and I tend to be extra emotional during that time.  But not only that, buying the tickets always makes it "real" for me.  Whenever I purchase my plane tickets, I realize that it is really actually happening...I am going to Haiti.

Although I've been there three times now and it feels like home to me, it is still a little scary, overwhelming, and emotional when I think about leaving...this time around even more so.  This time, I will be living by myself in an apartment.  I will have my own classroom full of energetic and amazing kindergarteners in the fall.  I will be responsible for the education of these little ones.  I will be gone for a whole year.  This week, all of this is suddenly becoming real to me and I'm feeling the weight of it.  It is wonderful, exciting, and incredible, but also scary.  Don't worry...the "wonderful, exciting, and incredible" parts definitely outweigh the "scary" parts.

I really think that God was trying to tell me something today.  As I was going through my morning routine, I was thinking about my fears (fears for my life in general and fears for my life once I get back to Haiti).  While checking my e-mail, I saw that the daily e-mail devotional was called "Faith that Moves God's Heart".  It was all about how God rewards those that have faith in Him without any backup plans.  The writer talked about how all too often we have "faith with an exit strategy" or "faith with a backup plan".  We need to learn to have faith in God only.  We need to learn to have faith in circumstances in which we need God in order to survive....faith that says, "If God does not provide for me in this circumstance, I will not make it."  I need that kind of faith.  I want that kind of faith.

Shortly after reading that devotional, I picked up another devotional book and randomly opened it up.  The title of the devotion that it opened to said something to the effect of, "God will reward the faithful".  The devotional went on to tell the story of the woman on the street who reached out and touched Jesus' robe.  She was instantly healed because of her faith in Him.

An hour or two later, I got into my car to drive to work.  I plugged in my iPod and set my music to "random".  The lyrics of the first song that played immediately caught my attention:

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Don't you just love those days when God clearly speaks to you and there is no mistaking what He wants you to learn?  I had to laugh at myself today because He seemed to make His lesson so obvious for me that it was like He was just saying, "Excuse me!  Helloooo!  Don't you know that you just need more faith, Katie!?  Stop your worrying.  Forget your fears.  I will take care of it if you just have faith."