The more time that I spend in Haiti, the more I realize what it is all about. For me, being here is not about accomplishing some big "goal" or "mission". It is not about feeding every starving person or clothing every naked child. Yes, the Bible tells us in Matthew 25 that we are supposed to do all of those things, BUT I think that they should come as a byproduct. Those things happen after relationships are built and friendships are established. We clothe the naked, feed the hungry, heal the sick, and free the oppressed out of pure and genuine love for the person. You see, I've realized that if we do those things for any other reason other than love, then we don't actually accomplish anything.
When I am in the classroom teaching, I get so much joy out of seeing the children learning and growing. It warms my heart to see them excited about the things that I am teaching them. But, what brings me the most joy is being able to get to know them and establish relationships with them. When I get to hug one of my students that I know needs comfort or love, I feel like I am doing what God has called me here to do. Teaching the students is great, but it has never been just about the teaching. It is about the loving. I want to learn to love well. There are certainly more than a few times that I've had to take a step back and remind myself of why I am here. You see, I lose patience, I lose my temper, I get frustrated, I get cranky and tired, and sometimes I forget that I'm not only here to teach but to love. I get wrapped up in my goals for the classroom and the physical things that I hope to accomplish. While those things are all necessary and great for my students, they should not take precedence over love and relationship.
When Widline masters a new letter sound, that's great and I'm very happy. But, when she comes to me and wraps her little arms around my waist, I know that what she needs more than an education is love. She told me one day during recess that she lives with her aunt because her mother just packed up and left her there one day. She said that she never sees her mama anymore. So, while I am happy that Widline is learning her letters and numbers, I am even more happy that I can be here for her when she needs a hug filled with as much love as I can offer. When Clavens acts goofy and playful and doesn't listen to my instructions, my instinct is to get a little frustrated at his behavior in the classroom. But then I smile to myself because I realize that he is comfortable enough to act that way without fear of being beaten by me. He knows that I love and care for him and I will never hurt him the way that his father did.
Life for many of my students is complicated, messy, and difficult. I want to be someone consistent in their lives, someone that they can count on for love and support. While it is easy for me to think about all of this in my mind and write about it here on my blog, it is not always easy to live out on a daily basis. I'm human, and I make mistakes. I ask that God will expand my capacity to love each day.
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