Yes, you read that correctly. I am returning to Haiti! On Tuesday, I will be moving back to Haiti. Shocked? I figured you might be, so let me explain....
Despite everything that happened to me, I never once doubted that I was supposed to be in Haiti. Before I even left the country two weeks ago, I knew in my heart and mind that I would be back. So, it was very difficult for me to come back to the US without knowing when I would return to Haiti. I didn't really have any type of game plan, and it was unsettling. I was also very sad to say goodbye to the people and country that I love so much. But, my close friend reminded me that when I left Faith Hope Love Infant Rescue in March, it was only one week later that God provided the opportunity to teach at TLC. She said, "if you still feel called to Haiti, why do you think this will be any different? God will take care of it. Don't worry."
Well, my friend was right. After coming home two weeks ago, I took time to talk with my parents, family, close friends, and pastor. I decided that I would return to Haiti after Thanksgiving. To me, it just seemed like a logical time to go back. So, I e-mailed the TLC board and anxiously awaited their response. A few days later I heard back from them. They explained that they were thrilled that I wanted to go back, however, Thanksgiving would just not work. Since I left Haiti, Mr. Nickson has been teaching my class for me. Recently, the Social Studies teacher quit, leaving Nickson with way too much to handle on his own. For his sake as well as the students, the board told him that unless I could return immediately, he would need to hire someone to replace me. Wow, I was a little overwhelmed at the thought of going back several weeks earlier than anticipated. I knew in my heart that I was supposed to go back, but I was a little hesitant at first because it all seemed so sudden. Until....
I clicked back to my e-mail inbox after reading the e-mail from the board. Just then, another e-mail came into my inbox from another friend in Haiti. She said, "I just feel compelled to write to you. I don't like giving my own advice, but I have been thinking about you. You are doing so well, you believe you are healed, you love Haiti and still want to be here...So, why not go back to TLC?" The timing of that e-mail could not have been more perfect and I knew it was confirmation that I was meant to go back now. I immediately shared the e-mails with my dad, and he agreed that it was God's timing.
Within a few hours of receiving the e-mail, the decision was made, my flight was booked, and I started packing. I've been laughing to myself as I prepare to go back because I know how crazy I must seem to most people. Especially since the day that I fly back will be exactly one month from the day that I was assaulted. I know that a lot of people here in the US think I should be getting counseling, that I have not really faced what happened to me, or that it hasn't really hit me yet. But, those people that know me best can see that I am healed. I admit, I've wondered a few times, "How could I possibly have healed from this all so quickly?" Here is what I've come to realize: I believe in an all powerful God. I believe He still heals miraculously and supernaturally today. So, if I believe all that, why should I second guess my own healing? This is difficult for others to accept, but I've come to terms with the fact that I am not making decisions based on whether or not it will please others. I know that I am doing what God has told me to do so I have no regrets.
I am anxious to get back to my neighborhood, my students, my neighborhood boys, my friends, the kids at Dorothy's, and the warm weather. I know that I will face difficulties when I go back. Part of me just wants to "hide out" with children when I get back because I know they won't be judging my decisions, giving me sympathetic glances, wondering what I'm thinking, or suggesting that I get counseling. Yes, I might face emotions and thoughts that I did not anticipate, but God has been carrying me this whole time and I know He is not going to stop now. God has healed me for a reason. This is right. I am meant to be in Haiti.
***Note: I just want to thank my parents for being so great throughout all of this. I realize that not many parents would let their daughter out of their sight after going through something like I did, let alone go back to the same third world country again. I'm so thankful that we are on the same page and that we are serving and trusting the same God. It makes things so much easier for me knowing that I have their support in all of this.
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