Now what?

....that is what I am asking myself after "meeting" with a parent this morning. Mr. Nickson asked Clavens' father to come to the school today to talk about his behavior.

If you remember my previous posts, Clavens can be quite a problem in my class. Nickson simply wanted to explain to the father that if Clavens cannot participate in class and be respectful, we will have to consider expelling him. Obviously, we do not want that to happen, and are doing as much as we can to work with Clavens.

Clavens and his father came to the school while Nickson happened to be away on an errand. So, I was left to talk to the father. While Clavens is only 6 years old, his father looks to be about 80, and the whites of his eyes were a scary yellowish brown color. He immediately began explaining to me that he realizes Clavens is much too young to be having so many behavior problems, and he is not going to put up with it. Then, he pulled a belt strap from his pocket and said he was going to beat Clavens in front of me so that I could witness him disciplining his son.

This is not a joke...yes, that really happened.

I immediately said "no, no, no!!" I went in to explain that he does not need to beat him because of his problems in school. He needs to model respectful behavior and take time to teach his son by experience and love. He explained, "oh yes, I know that! I never beat him at home!" .....and yet he conveniently had a belt strap in his pocket??? Lies.

I felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I gave up. There was no way that a five minute meeting would be enough to change a harsh old man's perspective on child rearing. Especially not when it was coming from a young white girl.

At the end of the conversation, the man said, "Clavens, you go apologize to your teacher!" As he shoved him towards me, Clavens looked at me, but did say a word (let me just say I did NOT see the next part coming). In that split second of hesitation, the weathered old man unexpectedly began whipping Clavens across his little back with the belt strap.

Clavens squealed in pain and tears rolled down his cheeks. Vanessa (the pre k teacher) was with me when this happened, and in a natural instinct we both reached for Clavens and quickly pulled him out of his fathers reach and protectively put him behind us.

At that point, I was in shock wondering is this really happening?! I don't even remember our last words to the man before he left. I was too busy crying inside for Clavens.

At the lunch table I was watching Clavens as we ate. He was smiling and laughing. Just 30 minutes prior, his father beat his with a belt in front of his teachers. Had I not witnesses it myself, I never would have believed it. I realized that for it to have virtually no effect in him, it must happen way too often.

I asked him, "Clavens? Was your father upset with you last night?" He replied, "yes." I went further, "did he hit you last night?" His response? "No, but my mom hit me on my back with her shoe."

So, now what? What am I going to do with this precious, difficult little boy. I have no parental support, and it appears they are largely the root of problem. Lord, help me.

I know that I am NOT going to tell his family when he is bad. I am NOT going to let this boy be a problem in my class. I am NOT going to let him fall through the cracks. I am NOT going to give up on him.

It is my goal to teach him respect in a healthy way and make him feel safe, comfortable, secure, and loved. After what I saw today, I am determined to help this little boy even if it kills me.

Things like what I saw today are the reason I am here in Haiti. This is why I work with children. This cycle of hatred has to end.

Lord, help me.

Proverbs 31:8-9
Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Four Weeks!

It is hard for me to believe that I have been teaching here at TLC for a month already! I have learned so much and I've seen so much change in my students already.

Each day has it's share of victories and problems. The more "wonderful" problem-free days that I have with my students, the more hope I have that they can and will meet my expectations. So far most of my students have learned to write their names (or something closely resembling it). They have mastered numbers 0-6, memorized Psalm 100 verses 1-3, and have learned the letters a,m,s, and f. They have also been learning about responsibility by having a specific classroom "job" each day.

They are still working hard to learn how listen while others are speaking, raise their hands when they would like to talk, and stay in their seats. We are still working on not running, pushing, and cutting in front of others in line. The children have learned they they are rewarded for good behavior and they lose privileges for bad behavior.

I couldn't be more thankful for this month spent with my students.

Cado Mwen (My Gift)

I can't help, but sit here and smile as I think about the gift that I received a couple days ago. I know that I've written before about some of my neighborhood boy friends. There are always young boys out in the streets looking for something to do, someone to talk to, or someone who will give them some food or money.

Out of these boys, I have a few that are special to me. I consider them my little friends. They talk to me, walk with me, and stop by just to say hello. Sometimes they ask for food, but usually they just want to come see me. One of them is a student here at TLC, and he makes sure to never ask me for food because "I get food at school everyday". The other boy is Peterson, an orphan that lives in a tent with his cousins.

Two nights ago after the "Girls Change Party" I left to find the boys outside waiting for me. They walked me home and then very eagerly presented me with a "cado". They had worked together to make me a necklace!

I think touched me more than any gift I've ever been given. Two poor "street boys" that live in tents took the time, effort, and energy to make me a necklace out of handmade paper beads. Each bead is created from cardboard or recycled paper that is cut into strips and then rolled and varnished to create a round smooth bead. Not only is the necklace beautiful, but the meaning behind it makes it the most valuable piece of jewelry that I own.

It is gestures like that, that give me hope for this country. Two little boys that wanted to repay me for giving them a few snacks and the time of day.

Girl's Change Party

During my limited "free time" I help out as a leader in the youth group, and I love spending time with my friends (both American and Haitian) that work for the organization "Child Hope International". 

All of Child Hope's activities and programs go on right here in my neighborhood.  Their girls and boys' orphanages are just a few houses down from me.  Recently, the girls in the orphanage have undergone a "change".  Previously, they were struggling to respect their adult house mom's.  They would often stay up all night and refuse to help out around the house doing chores. 

But, just this week the Lord has been working in many of their hearts.  The girls have seen their mistake and they have been working to change themselves.  The Holy Spirit has been moving in their hearts and lives.

In order to celebrate it they decided to throw a "Girls Change Party".  They even handed out actual invitations.  I love the girls, and I was thrilled to hear how the Lord has been working in their lives.  So, there was no way I was going to miss out on their party!

As I was walking from my house to the girls' orphanage, I could hear Haitian music playing before I even arrived.  When I got to the house, I saw that they had decorated the outside area with balloons and streamers.  They even had a little sound system rigged up to play music, and all the girls were dancing.  I knew it was going to be a fun night!

After some dancing, Ruth (my Haitian friend and a leader at the girls orphanage) took the microphone.  She explained the reason for the party.

Ruth speaking and Patrick as our DJ for the night

Then, all the girls put on a few skits to demonstrate the way that they used to act and the way that they act now.  It was so sweet.

After the skits, there was more dancing.  Later, the girls were presented with Bibles in Creole.  Most of them only have Bibles in English, and so the Manassero's wanted to give them Bibles in their own native language.

All the older orphanage girls together to receive their Bible's

After more dancing, all the guests were served a delicious Haitian style meal (fried plantains, rice, beef, and pikliz).  It was SO good!  Then, after some more dancing.  We had cake!

And can you guess what we ended the night with?? DANCING! You can't help but feel happy while dancing to Caribbean music with great friends!  It was the most fun that I have had in a long, long time.

Sunday Funday

I have been wanting to find somewhere to buy a goldfish to have as "a class pet" for my students. I am hoping to coordinate it with a pre-k unit on fish and the ocean. However, Haiti doesn't have a Wal-mart where I can pop in and get a couple fish.

I've been told that there is a store somewhere in Petionville that sells them. However, it was refers to as "the goldfish store" and I was not given an actual name or an address.

Dorothy was up for an adventure so we jumped in the truck with the four older kids and headed up the mountain. I don't think that either of us expected to actually find the store, but it was still nice to get out and explore.

After driving around for about an hour the only thing we had succeeded in doing was stopping along the side of the road so I could buy a plant for my apartment. The kids were starting to complain of hunger, and ask are we there yet?

So, fish-less we headed back down Delmas. We made a pit stop at Epi'dor for sandwiches.

All in all, it was fun getting out with the kids and exploring. And now, my apartment has a beautiful tropical plant to brighten things up! (I just hope I can keep it looking beautiful).

Six strings

Before coming back to Haiti, I saved up some of my tip money to buy a used guitar in eBay. It has truly turned out to be one of the best investments that I've made in a long time.

This guitar has been played by over a dozen different people in the past two months. It has lead worship at youth group, small group meetings, at my own apartment, with Dorothy's kids, during Bible class at school, and at the morning worship at the school each day.

Personally, it has been a faithful companion. I am usually busy, but occasionally I get bored or lonely living here alone. In those times, this guitar has kept me company. It has helped me to have intimate worship time with the Lord.

It certainly is not the best guitar around, but I feel so very blessed to have it and to be able to share it with so many people.

Expectations

I decided that I should follow my previous blog post with a post about expectations.  It is something that I've been thinking about lately.

I don't think that my expectations for my Kindergarteners are any higher than those of an average American class.  However, here those expectations seem rather high.  My students come from homes very different than students in the states.  My students were hand picked to come to this school because they are very poor and would not be able to afford an education.  Some of them have only one parent, many of them live with aunts, uncles, or cousins, all of them have very small simple homes.  Sometimes the food that they get at school is the only thing they have to eat.

On top of that many of the parents are uneducated.  I know that several of my students' parents cannot even sign their own name.  Generations of uneducated people raising uneducated people eventually takes its tole.  I see it in the children that I meet.  Most children that I meet here are accustomed to lying, stealing, cheating, fighting, and not respecting their elders.  Parents allow their children to play in the streets unsupervised.  Parents allow five year old children to walk to school alone.  Most children that I meet and befriend on the streets are a bunch of little hooligans.  Things that we in America refer to as "common sense" are NOT common sense here.  Behaviors that teachers in American expect from their students to know when they start school are NOT expectations here.

So, while my classroom expectations are typical for an American class, here they seem like very "high expectations".  I expect my students to follow directions.  I expect my students to take care of classroom materials.  I expect my students to use kind words.  I expect my students not to fight in school.  I expect my students to respect adults.  I expect my students to listen while I am talking.  I expect my students to raise their hands to speak.  I expect my students to participate in class.  I expect my students to share.

I don't plan on lowering these expectations.  I know that it is possible for my students to reach these goals.  I just didn't realize that such simple things would take so much work!  If I don't push them to be better, who will?  If I don't work to teach them these things, how will Haiti's problems ever improve?

I only get to spend four hours with the Pre-K students and four hours with the Kindergarten students each day.  The other 20 hours are spent with their families.  There is a whole lot of teaching that has to take place in a tiny amount of time.  Lord help me!

Oh what will I do with these two?

Meet Clavens.

Clavens is one of my kindergarten students.  He is very smart, adorable, playful, usually has a mischievous grin on his face, loves to be praised, and loves to help out in the classroom.  He also happens to be one of my most difficult students.

This is his second year in Kindergarten.  He is a very happy little boy.  However, he can turn in an instant.  I've been told that he comes from an abusive home.  I often feel as if I am walking on egg shells when I am dealing with him.  For example, one day he was doing really well, and he was in a great mood.  I passed out crayon baskets to each of the four tables (each table shares one basket of crayons).  I gave his table a white basket, but apparently he wanted a green basket.  He became so upset by it, that he crumpled his paper in a ball, threw it on the floor, and began crying.  From there, things just continued to go downhill the rest of the day.  He refused to participate or get up from his chair.  I tried ignoring the behavior, then I tried talking with him logically in private, I tried gently encouraging him to make a good choice, and eventually I lost my patience and took him to Mr. Nickson's office.  Even after talking with Mr. Nickson in his office, he continue to be defiant for the rest of the day.

Episodes like that are an almost daily occurrence.  On a good day, I can talk him down and make sure to "catch him" doing good things and reward him with lots of praise.  That will often turn things around for him.  But, on a bad day his defiant behavior will continue all day long.  He often does things deliberately to cause a scene or to "push my buttons".  As you can imagine, when you have ten other children in the class it becomes quite difficult.

I am determined to work with him and help him, but it is difficult for me to figure out what exactly triggers the behavior.  It seems like almost anything can trigger him.  I have seen much worse cases, and I know that I can handle him.  However, it is exhausting (mentally and physically) and stressful.  Praying for more patience and praying for Clavens have now become a daily occurrence for me.

Meet Jeanel.

Jeanel is also a Kindergarten student.  He has an adorable toothless grin, and loves to laugh.  However, he is easily distracted, likes to disturb others around him, does not like to participate, and he can be quite stubborn.  He especially likes making faces at me behind my back, and occasionally getting into fights with other boys.  I've tried moving him to his own private desk where he has less distractions and cannot bother those around him.  But, when he is at that desk I've found that he "zones out" and does not pay attention.  Lavishing him in praise for his good behavior only seems to last momentarily.  Usually within a few minutes he is distracted again and not paying attention.

I would guess that in an average day, 60% of my energy is spent solely on Clavens and Jeanel.  They have good days and bad.  Between the two of them, I am completely exhausted by the end of each day.  On top of that, I am trying to work with the other nine students in my class (all who have their own little issues and differences in personality).  I know that it is still very early in the school year, but I am praying that something I am doing eventually "clicks" with them, and they learn to behave better during school...for the sake of my own sanity.

One thing that is different here  in Haiti is the home life of my students.  Yes, there are children in the states that come from "bad" homes, but they seem wonderful compared to my students' homes.  I try to keep the parents in the loop as to how my students are doing, but I sometimes fear that their way of handling the situation will be to beat them.  Please understand, I'm not saying all Haitian parents are abusive, but I believe that does happen here more often than in the states.  Also, many of the parents are young or uneducated.  So, they do not understand how to help the children with their behavior or attention problems the way that parents in the states do.

So, I ask that you all please keep little Clavens and Jeanel in your prayers.  As for me my prayer is always more patience, more compassion, more understanding, and more creative ways of handling my students.

Sorry!

After talking to my dad tonight.  I felt like I should apologize to all of my faithful followers from back home.  My dad "encouraged" me to write more often and explain more about what I do and the people that are in my life here.  I know that I've been a pretty absent blogger lately, and I'm sorry! 

I am always so busy, and at the end of the day it is usually too hard for me to think long enough to create a worthwhile blog post.   Hence the reason you've gotten so many short posts lately (mostly about my ant problem).  The truth is that each day is jam packed with so much.  I'm trying to juggle teaching, and learning.  I'm trying to have compassion for my children and their individual situations, and at the same time have high expectations for their conduct in my classroom.  I admit that as much as I truly love teaching, it has been very exhausting!

On top of teaching, I've been doing all kinds of other things in my spare time....details soon to come I promise!  I just wanted to take a minute to let you all know that I'm still here, still working, hard, and still praising and thanking God each day.

Thank you all so much for your faithfulness in prayer, and your support.  I feel blessed to have so many loving and supportive people covering me in prayer.

Ant Saga Continues

It is quite sad that I've posted about my ant problem so many times, but it is so ridiculous that I just have to share. I am telling you, these are not normal ants!

Look what I discovered this morning!

If you aren't sure what you are looking at, that is my box of Q-TIPS infested with ants!!!!! What is going on??

Thankfully I have a weapon now!

Really??

My Little Choir

Every Friday, I take my Kindergarteners to the playground at the church  to play for half an hour.  They walk in an orderly straight line as I lead them to and from the church.  We always attract a few glances from passerby's.

They are typically pretty quite as we walk, but this Friday, the kids were so happy on the way back to the school that they spontaneously broke out into song.  They began singing one of our morning songs, "There are 7 Days, there are 7 days, there are 7 days in a week, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday"  It is sung to the tune of "Oh My Darlin'".  They were so proud of themselves and so happy to be singing it that they didn't stop.  In fact, one student (Kellanda) began leading the students by calling out the verses.  It was priceless.

With each time that they sang it, they got increasingly louder.  Everyone on the streets was watching us and laughing.  The only thing that came to mind as I lead my little choir was the movie, "The Sound of Music".  I couldn't help but feel like Julia Andrews as she and her children ran all around the streets of Austria singing, "Do Re Mi Fa Sol La Ti Do" (ok, so maybe it wasn't quite like the movie, but it felt like it).  It was pretty comical.  Mr. Juesel, the school groundskeeper got a kick out of the kids as they proudly marched through the school gate and into the classroom singing the whole time.

Psalm 100

The memory verse that my students have been working on since school started is Psalm 100.  We've been learning it little by little with hand motions to go along with each phrase.  The kids love to shout it at the top of their lungs.  That is after all, a "joyful noise" right?

So far, they have really mastered: "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord all ye lands".  Earlier this week I added on, serve the Lord with gladness".  Now, you must understand that they are learning this verse in English.  I've explained to them what the words mean, but sometimes they don't quite say the English words right.  They really got confused when we started learning "serve the Lord with gladness".  You see, we have a student named "Clavens".  "Clavens" and "gladness" sound very much alike to a Haitian kindergartener.  So, many of my students are now reciting, "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord all ye lands.  Serve the Lord with Clavens!"  I mean, it does still make sense saying it that way, ha!

I tried to stop and explain that it is NOT Clavens it is gladness.  I had them all repeat the word gladness with me several times and then I explained the meaning of "gladness".  Thinking that they understood it now, we said the verse again.  This time they said, "Make joyful noise unto the Lord all ye lands.  Serve the Lord with Laniese."  At that point, I just couldn't keep from laughing.  "Laniese" is another student in the class.  Her name is pronounced, "Lan-yez".  Again, it sounds very similar to gladness.  At that point I gave up.  If my students want to serve the Lord with Clavens and Laniese, that is alright with me!

My new names

While living at Dorothy's house, I had names like Lee Cole Lee (don't ask), E-A-E (that's what Miss Katie sounds like coming from a 2 year old Haitan child), See Katie, and of course Miss Kelly (because they heard me wrong the first time I introduced myself).

Now that I'm here teaching at TLC, I have new names.  Unfortunately, Lee Cole Lee did not die yet.  Richardson is in 1st grade here so once in a while I hear him call, "Lee Cole Lee!"  I just hope all the other students don't catch on to that one, haha!  Some of my students call me Miss Katie.  Some of my students call me Miss Caty (the Haitian way of saying Katie).  One little girl in Kindergarten just cannot seem to catch on to the fact that my name is Miss Katie and NOT Miss Jetline (I have NO clue where she got that from).  The one name that I have not gotten used to being called is "madame".  That is what you call a woman here in Haiti when you are being respectful, but for some reason it just seems so weird for a little child to be calling ME madame.  If they would say, "Teacher" or "pwofese" (Creole for teacher), or even "mama" that wouldn't surprise me as much as calling me madame.  I can't wait to hear what other names I am called this year.  Thankfully, they are all innocent so far!  :)

Busy Busy Teacher

As Nickson told me yesterday, "Miss Katie, you are a busy, busy teacher!"  He is right!  As to be expected during my first year of teaching, I've been spending many hours in planning and preparation for class each week. 

My students are still wonderful, and I feel like each day I love them more.  I've been enjoying getting to know them better.  They are all so funny and cute in their own little ways.  With that being said, that does not mean they are always well behaved, ha!  A few students in particular like to cause problems for me, but we've been working hard on behavior management.  I am hoping that as the students adjust to being in class with me, their attention, focus, and attitude will improve.  I'm always trying to come up with new ideas and new ways to interest them.  They keep me busy!

Like I've said before, I am learning as much as the students.  Each day I try to evaluate what worked and what did not.  I have so much to learn about teaching, and like the students I have good days and bad.  Thankfully, each day things seems to improve and each day I feel more comfortable as a teacher.

I've been spending so much time with children that I am soon going to forget how to interact with adults, ha! 

The Downfall of My Classroom

I absolutely LOVE my classroom.  It is spacious, and it is partially outdoor (which makes it really cool).  However, there is a downfall.

When it rains hard enough and with just the right amount of wind, it gets very wet.  The first Friday of the school year, we got a storm around 2:15 in the afternoon.  It just so happened I was down the street at the church playground with my class.  So, we took shelter under the gazebo until we could walk back to the school.

While we were stuck at the playground, Mr. Nickson (thankfully) was frantically trying to move everything in my classroom away from the outside wall where all the rain was coming inside.  The rain slowed for a few minutes.  So, Nickson dismissed the students for the day because they all walk to and from school.  He hoped that they could run home before the rain started up again.  But just after he dismissed them, it started raining again.  So, all the students took shelter inside my classroom!

It was just a little hectic to say the least!

My wet classroom

Thankfully, Nickson moved all the things.  Otherwise class would be quite soggy!

Foumi Battle Rages On!

Well, my battle with foumi (ants) is still continuing!  Today, I was looking for a shirt when I found that ants had literally chewed little holes through one of my clean gray t-shirts!!  I swear every ant in Haiti is plotting against me! Seriously, eating shirts?!?!?!   I have finally faced reality...I am losing this battle.  :(

I welcome any advice!

Kindergarten

I know that I'm overdue for an update on my kindergarten class.  Besides being insanely busy and worn out this week, the internet has also not been working very well.  So, I apologize for not being able to keep everyone updated.  BUT....I officially have one week of teaching under my belt!!

The classroom on the first day before my students arrived!

It has been a wonderful, exciting, stressful, exhausting, frustrating, and fun week so far.  As to be expected, my first day teaching was very overwhelming.  But, each day since then has been an improvement.  I had lots of fun with the kids.  Everyday, I am coming up with new ideas and each day poses new problems.  I knew when I decided to be a teacher that life was not going to be easy for me!  It has been a learning experience for me as much as it has been for the students.

What was the biggest thing that I've learned so far?  Kindergarteners have virtually NO ATTENTION SPAN!  I am really going to have to get creative in order to keep them focused.  (I also learning that they have the tiniest bladders ever!)


I am thankful for both the students sake and for my sake that each day is a fresh start.  We are learning and growing together.  We can learn to forgive each other for our mistakes and wrong doings.

The highlight of my week was seeing my students learning and catching on to the rules and routines of our classroom.  They are always saying and doing adorable/funny things as kids so often do.  Although it has been a lot of work enforcing good classroom behavior, I have seen lots of progress.

In case you might be curious as to what my daily schedule has been like this week here at the school, I will share it with you:

6:50 AM go down to my classroom to prep for the day
7:30 AM students arrive to eat breakfast
8:00 AM prayer, pledge, and worship together as a whole school
8::30 AM Pre-K starts and I help a young Haitian woman teach it (I've been trying to help her
                 learn how to be a better teacher and how to plan her day better)
11:00 AM Pre-K students go to lunch and Kindergarten students arrive for lunch
11:30 AM Pre-K students leave and I start my day with the kindergarteners
3:00 PM all students go home and I prep for the next day
4:00 PM I go "home" (five feet away from the school, haha) and go over my plans for the next
               day.  I try and figure what I can do better for the next day

This week has been both difficult and absolutely amazing and wonderful.  The difficult days made me appreciate the good days.  I have thought, "I am doing exactly what I was created to do!  I am born to be a teacher!"  AND...."I can't do this!  Lord, help me because I don't know how I will be able to do this everyday for a year!"  I have thanked God for creating children to be so adorable because some days it helps me to be more patient and understanding.  Some days, I have wished that I could be teaching in only English like a normal American teacher, while other days I have thanked God for the adventure of a bilingual class.  There have been (and will be) ups and downs everyday.  I will continue to pray for more compassion, more love, more patience, more creativity, and more discernment.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.  Whatever you do, don't stop praying for my students and I...we sure need it!

little seats for little kiddos

Laniese working hard

Henock has such a personality...he was using scissors for the first time!

Colo is shy and quiet, but he's a sweetheart!

Winie is a tiny little Pre-K student. 

We did self portraits in Kindergarten on the first day of school...I just LOVED this one, hahaha!  The "tree branch" arms and legs are awesome!

Lourdjina (pre-k) learning about the color red.  She is just a tiny little thing

Erlens (pre-K) is working hard on his coloring.

Marclay (pre-k)

play time!

Jeanel (kindergartener) during snack time.  He has trouble paying attention, but he is a happy little guy!

Christelle (kindergartener) during snack time. 

Patrick (kindergartener)

Foumi

Have I mentioned before how much I hate foumi (ants)?  I'm sure that I have.  I'm sorry, God.  I've been teaching my students all week that "God created everything from nothing, and it is all good."  But, I really dislike ants!

This is the latest update on my battle with foumi.  Last night I took a shower.  After getting out of the shower, I dried off and wrapped myself in a brand new black bath towel.  It had never even been used and had been hanging on one of my towel racks in the bathroom.  Because it was black, I didn't notice that it had little black ants all over.

As my luck would have it, they were not the tiny harmless ants.  Ha!  No, no, that would be too easy.  They were the terribly painful biting ants that leave stinging welts on my body.  So, there I was without clothes, wet, and wrapped in an "ant towel" when I realized that I was being attacked.

Thankfully I was home alone because I was dancing around trying to get all the biting ants off of me as I ran to the bathroom to get back into the shower.  NOT. FUN.

Oh the joys of living in Haiti!

Heavy Heart

I'm sure that many of you have been checking my blog to read updates on how teaching has been going this week. For now, all that I can say is that it has been going great, my students are absolutely adorable, and I am loving every second of teaching. I would love to write every detail about my students and my class, but my heart is burdened to write to you about something else.

Here I sit alone in my apartment reflecting on the things my eyes have seen, and I am heartbroken yet again. I just got home from a small group. It is a group of Haitian teenagers (plus myself and Kez). We meet twice a week to pray, worship, hang out, read the Bible, and grow closer to God. It is very low key, and we try to go where the Spirit leads us. Today, we went to visit a family nearby.

I don't know much history about the family. All I know is that they are extremely poor, but they trust God to take care of them. So, our group of about 15 people walked from the church to their home. Their house is along a road that I have driven on at least 100 times or more. I have never taken notice to their house before. In fact, I don't think that I even realized it was a house.

When we arrived, three young girls came out to greet us. Despite the fact that their hair was orange from malnutrition, their clothes were dirty and full of holes, and the youngest of the three didn't have a stitch of clothing on her, they were all smiles, and they had the most beautiful light brown eyes. Their mother followed quietly behind them. She was shy as she greeted our large group. We explained that we wanted to pray for her. Before letting us inside her house, she went inside to clean up, just as any of us would do for a guest. But, there was something different about her house...

It was a small concrete structure. I have seen tents here that are actually nicer than this house. Their house is directly beside a road where vehicles are frequently passing by. Their house is MUCH smaller than most garden sheds in the US. In fact, one of my closest friends has a “shed” that is three times the size of their house and much nicer, too. In order to get inside, we had to walk over rocks and broken glass. Then, we squeezed between a wall and a broken down vehicle. The door into their home was nothing more than a dirty worn out tarp that we ducked under.

I have been in quite a few homes here in Haiti. Most of them are heartbreaking, but something about this house in particular hit me harder than most. It was roughly a ten foot by ten foot room (maybe smaller) with a single light bulb dangling from the tin roof above. There were a few magazine pages tacked to the wall in an attempt to beautify the dull gray cement. The floor was uneven and damp. The only furniture in the room was one full sized bed that the family of 5 shares. The air inside the room was stuffy.

Half of our group stayed outside to play with the children while the other half of our group when inside to pray and sing with the mother of the family. I was part of the group that went to pray. The mother was so quite and humble as she let a group of strangers into her tiny home. We packed inside and stood in a circle holding hands. Sweat began to run down my face and it mixed with the tears that I could not contain. I literally felt a pain in the depths of my heart for this family. We prayed, each in our own way for God to bless and provide for this family. My Haitian friend, Ruth, lead us in worship songs. We sang: Savior, He can move the mountains. My God is might to save, He is mighty to save. Forever, author of salvation He rose and conquered the grave. Jesus conquered the grave. Then, we sang: You're the God of this city. You're the King of these people. You're the Lord of this nation, You are. You're the light in this darkness. You're the hope to the hopeless. You're the peace to the restless, You are. There is no one like our God. For, greater things have yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city. Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this family. Although the mother did not understand the words we were singing in English, I could tell that she felt our love for God and for her. It was a holy time, a humbling time, a heartbreaking time.

So, what does one do after experiencing something like that? I certainly cannot leave there and do nothing. As I sit here in my apartment interceding for them in prayer, my heart is burdened. Lord, you have called me to something that is so much bigger than me in Haiti..something that is so far beyond my abilities. I know that I cannot continue without you. Bondye, help me to help them.

First Day Teaching Kindergarten

I am sitting on my kitchen floor beside the refrigerator evaluating myself on my first day teaching Kindergarten. Why am I on the kitchen floor? Well, at the moment it is the only place in the apartment where I can get enough WiFi signal to connect to the internet, haha. I am hot, sweaty, tired, my head is throbbing with a killer headache (probably because I didn't drink enough water today).

"How did the first day go?!" I am sure you are all wondering. To an outsider looking in, I'm sure that my day wasn't too bad. However, I tend to evaluate myself more harshly than an outsider would. I won't say it was a bad first day, but it did not quite go how I was expecting. The biggest thing that stood out what the Creole/English language barrier. My students understand very little English. I can speak Creole (not fluent yet). Switching back and forth between Creole and English was more difficult than I had expected it to be. I seemed to keep getting tongue tied between the two languages. I was speaking "Crenglish". It was very hard to focus on the actual material that I was teaching and which language I was teaching it in. Thankfully, Mr. Nickson was in and out of my room throughout the day to help with translating as needed. I found that when he was helping translate, things flowed much more smoothly. It was a blessing to have his help. He and Dottie decided to hire a former TLC student to help me with translation. Thank you, Lord!

As any good teacher will do (not that I am claiming to be a good teacher), I have been evaluating and reflecting upon how I did today. There are more than a few things that I need to improve as time goes on. For one thing, I need to get a better feel for the curriculum. I have read through it and understand how it is set up, but until I actually apply it in a classroom, it is hard to see how things will work. I need to improve on my timing. At one point today, I realized that I was an entire HOUR ahead of where I should have been according to my plans. By the end of the day, I somehow managed to get my timing back on track. I realize that once I get to know my students and their abilities, I will have a better idea of how much time is needed for each activity. My students are all very young and many of them really struggled on staying focused today. I realize that it was only the first day, and like me, they are adjusting to being back at school. This list of things to work on could very easily go on forever, but for your sake, I will keep that to myself.

My 11 little students blessings are just as adorable as you could imagine, and I look forward to building a loving and trusting relationship with them.  I pray for rest, creativity, patience, compassion, and an overabundance of love for my students.  I ask God for strength as I adapt to my new adventure!

I promise that in the future I will write a more detailed post about my students and the school, but for now my head is throbbing and my plan book and bed are calling my name!

Something isn't right...

I do not want to discredit any of the aid/relief work that is being done here in Haiti, but aside from the obvious problems in this country, there is something that is not right here.  How is it that there are over 10,000 different non-governmental organizations in Haiti, a country with less than 9 million citizens, and yet there is little to no change in the conditions over the years?  I read that Haiti has the largest concentration of NGOs per capita in the world!!!!!  That blows my mind!

Those statistics don't even include all of the UN troops and missionaries here that are too numerous to count.  Yes, I realize that by living here, I am included in these numbers.  Truthfully, I think that we (foreigners) need to leave Haiti.  The power in this country needs to be passed on from the foreigners to the Haitians.  They need to be equipped to run their own country.  The free hand-outs need to end, and Haitians need to be empowered to take care of themselves.

How long will it take us to wake up and realize that whatever we have been doing for all these years is not working?  Billions of dollars of aid have flooded into Haiti and yet it is still "the poorest country in the western hemisphere"?  Are we doing more harm than good?  These are questions that I am trying to figure out.  Maybe at times I have even been a part of the problem.  Maybe I just am not seeing the "big picture".  Let me be clear in saying that I don't know how to fix all of the problems here.  I certainly don't know all the answers, but I do know the end solution.  God.  It always comes back to Him.  But, in order to do what God wants here in Haiti, everyone that is here to "help" needs to be yielded to him, myself included.

If hearts here are not yielded to Him, how can we ever expect things to change?  I believe that true and lasting improvements and change here in Haiti ARE impossible without hearts turning to Him.  The corruption, lies, deceit, and false religious teachings need to come to an end.   I realize that things will not change overnight, but my God is a God of miracles, and He loves these people so much.  I pray, Lord, that I am here to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.  I pray that I answer to your Spirit's guiding only, not by my own strength or mind.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. 

--Ephesians 3:20-21

Baby Boys

These are the two newest additions at Dorothy's house!  I was surprised to see them when I went to visit Dorothy and the kids.  Their names are Claudy and Ismyel.  They are NOT brothers, but they are only one day apart in age.  Both of their mother's are dead, and Dorothy agreed to take them in until they are a year old.  Thankfully, she got them before they became very malnourished.

Ravine

I had the opportunity to tag along with my friend Keziah for her weekly trip to "the ravine".  The ravine is basically a ghetto/slums area of Delmas 31.  It is an entire community of Haitians that are literally living in a ravine by a stream/river.

For three years, Kez has been going into the ravine once a week to offer medical care specifically for the children living there.  This "program" was started when another missionary living in the area started a school.  She realized that so many of her students were developmentally behind and struggling in school because they had grow up without proper nutrition or medical care.  So, she asked Kez to check on them weekly and distribute care and medicine as needed.

From the school in Delmas 31, we walked/hiked down into the ravine.  That required weaving in between concrete homes, tents, and tin shacks and walking through a street market with lots of delicious looking produce.....

...and some NOT so delicious looking "meat" products.  In the photo below, you can see where we were stopped by some men selling male goat parts (laying on the tarp on the ground).  They informed us that it tastes very good, and we should buy some and eat it each day.  Aside from the fact that the "meat" was sitting uncovered in the blazing island sun with flies all over it, there is no way on earth I would eat goat testicles and/or penis.  "No, mesi, monsieur."

After we made our way down a steep, narrow, rocky pathway, we had to cross a small stream by hopping from rock to rock.  Finally, we arrived in the area where Kez treats her patients. 

As soon as everyone saw Kez arrive, they began bringing all the sick children to us to be checked.  The majority of the problem were of the skin, which is understandable based on the conditions that the children are living in.  We saw small cuts, ulcers, toothaches, fungal infections, ringworm, scabies, sore throats, extremely swollen glands, and the list goes on.  For anyone that required treatment beyond a band aid, tylenol, a worm pill, or Selson Blue, Kez's assistant would take down their name and their prescribed medication.  Then, after preparing the meds back at the school, she will return each day and make sure that the meds are given exactly as prescribed to exactly the right person.

After about an hour or so, we had checked out pretty much everyone in immediate need.  So, we headed out of the ravine and back home via a narrow dirt path on the edge of the stream bed.

I didn't need to go along to the ravine.  Kez goes there every week and is quite capable of doing it herself.  To be honest, it was more just a fun outing for me, however, I think that doing things like this are incredibly important for me to learn more about Haiti, improve my Kreyol, and to better understand the people that I came here to serve.